Lawrence Ripsher's Photo Journal

Back in Action

It has been weeks since I last picked up a camera with a serious intent to take really good photography. Last year turned out to be a hugely exciting time for me with my cameara work, but in contrast, the start of 2008 left me feeling in need of a serious break. I’ve been shooting almost every day (defeinitely very week) since 2004 and as this year rolled around I was concerned that unless I took a short layoff, I’d burn out.

The only problem with taking a break, is that it’s hard to get started again.

January quickly bacame February. And then February became March.

I’ve not been totally away from photography in that time. Since the start of this year, the following been going on behind the scenes:

- I’ve had a chance to catch up with all my post processing work required on the Contender Asia
- Got published another half dozen times or so. Twice in the Bangkok Post, another cover for Kickboxer International which is coming out next month (and is probably my favourite cover so far)
- Further developed my relationships on the Singapore scene (somethng I’m conciously pushing only slowly so to bring on interesting projects). Am now working with a new agency out here and agreeing a few upcoming projects
- Bought a Hasselblad :)

The last one is an interesting one. More on that next week.

Anyway, despite all this I have done very little actual work from behind the camera. That all changes this weekend because tomorrow night is the final of The Contender Asia. It’s being hosted at the Singapore Indoor Stadium and will have an attendance of somewhere between 5,000 - 10,000. I just got back from the weigh in and the atmosphere is very exciting. It’s going to be a huge night for the sport of Muay Thai. Tomorrow night, I’ll be taking my role as the Official Photographer, shooting at ringside for 3 hours. I really can’t think of anything else I’d rather be doing :).

Anyway, it needed something like this to get me tuned back in again. I don’t expect to be needing another break for quite some time.

Now, I think it’s time I caught up on some comments & posted some photos.

Photography as Self Discovery

The past few weeks and months have been an interesting time. Due in part to a very hectic work schedule and lots of other things going on, I've not had as much time for shooting. Having said that, that's never been something that's stopped me picking up the camera in the past - but somehow since I got back from Japan, with the exception of one or two small projects, I've done very little photography. I think the real reasons for that have been three fold.

Firstly, I've sought much bigger and more ambitious projects than I did in the past. This typically meant involving third parties with more complex relationships. As is often the case when you have external dependencies, timescales often slip. So in theory, I should have had a very busy June and July with a series of projects I was attempting to get off the ground and when they got delayed, I was caught off guard and didn't backfill them with other work. I still plan to complete those projects (and am excited about them still) but that's reason number one.

The second reason was more expected. Since taking up photography I have shot pretty much uninterrupted without a break for two and a half years. Sooner or later, I was going to run out of steam and hit a wall. It wasn't because of any kind of burnout or tiredness, it was more because I'd simply become much better at what I did and the subjects and photos that initially had me enthralled in the early days, no longer inspire me as much. Finding things that are new, fresh and challenging becomes harder and harder as you improve and subsequently raise your own expectations. I am sure anyone whose been shooting for a while has felt this before.

The final reason was simple but something I only discovered during my layoff. It was perhaps the most important. It was only when talking to my very good friend Chuck Inglefield about my recent lack of shooting that it emerged. We were discussing what kind of projects / styles / genres I could go after to hook me into shooting regularly without forcing things. Chuck's advice came through how he sees his own situation lately - that some of his motivation was in trying to understand the reasons why he chooses the images and subjects he ends up posting. Chuck is a fantastic photographer and someone whose views I respect and admire deeply, and this struck a chord with me. I suddenly became aware of the fact that within all my grand plans, I simply haven't been shooting for myself lately. When I started photography, it was for so many reasons - all of which were very personal to me. It was for the love of the art. It was to connect with a like minded community of peers. It was because I'm so relaxed and tuned out from the day's noise when photographing. Most importantly perhaps It was because I loved discovering new aspects of myself through photography. That last point hit home for me very vividly after we spoke and in an instant, my motivation and inspiration returned.

Since then I've posted three images in three days for the first time in weeks and I now stalk the streets with a renewed passion. I have no idea if this post is of any help to anyone else but if you've read this far, it might be because you're either in a similar place right now - or perhaps might end up somewhere there in the future. So, my advice as I enter the embryonic stages of my second wind, is simple - when you hit a wall, forget about everyone and everything else and remember why you started photography in the first place. Most likely it was because you simply enjoyed making those images... Well, the advice then is obvious... It all seems so simple now.

Ume - Back to Health

The last time I posted, it was about one our dogs.

Ume, our adopted female Rott, had recently gone into surgery. A few people asked about how things were going and because of that (and also because I think our experience was an interesting one), I thought I'd explain what happened.

So, a few weeks ago we found a lump on Ume's leg. Actually, we found two. We took her to one vet whose diagnosis failed to inspire me with any real confidence so the following day, we took her to another vet (Companion Animal Surgery in Singapore). They were extremely concerned given that these large lumps had appeared in simultaneous locations - and offered the grave suggestion that it might be metastizing mast cell cancer. They recommended surgery to remove the lump the following week. When it comes to vets I usually try to be as educated as possible going in (and also when I get back home after seeing them). This is not to perform my own diagnosis (I'm of the opinion a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing), but more to know the right questions to ask. Anyway, Dr Steve Johnson, who we saw at CAS was able to answer all my questions patiently and competently - never reaching for false conclusions or building false hope. His compassionate yet matter of fact way of presenting the options (and suggesting his own recommendation) was good enough for me to think that we'd come to the right place and agreed for the operation.

Anyway, the operation day came around with plenty of worrying and after checking Ume in, later that afternoon I got a call that when examining Ume under GA, Dr Johnson had found a much larger (and more worrying lump) inside her abdomen. This was considered to be urgent and so the one(s) on her leg got deprioritised. I was warned to expect the worst kind of news as the evidence was not starting to mount significantly against our girl as it now looked like the lumps on her leg could actually have been secondaries and that the real problem lay inside. I gave the go ahead to go in after the one inside and insisted that whatever they found, they were not to euthanize her on the table.

Anyway, after a worrying few hours I got the call that the surgery went well. They did find a very large (grapefruit sized) lump on her spleen and had to remove the entire organ. So the growth then went to the pathologists with our deepest hopes being that they would declare it as a benign tumour. I've never experienced that kind of wait before - v stressful obviously. This was made worse by the fact that spleen cancers (hemangiosarcoma) are known to be extremely aggressive, and by the time you find them it's often too late for treatment. Chemo is listed as a potential option - but has all the downsides and is not a particularly effective treatment for spleen cancer, causes its own side effects, etc. Dogs are often given only 2 - 4 months to live after the discovery of hemangiosarcoma. Anyway, those few days went by painfully slowly but the pathologist report came back as "nodular hyperplasia" which basically means she had an enlarged *benign* growth of the spleen. This condition can be very dangerous - but not if you catch it before it ruptures - and as her spleen has now already been removed, this was fantastic news. Indescribable relief.

Even better - since then, the two growths on her leg (which are what we originally took her in for) started to decrease noticeably in mass the few days following the operation and now, two or so weeks later, they are completely gone. Seeing this happen at the same time is strongly suggestive that these are not a different, unrelated cancer problem. We still have to keep an eye on things but it's looking about as hopeful as we could have ever wished for so far. Our thanks to Dr Steve Johnson at Companion Animal Surgery for finding this in the first place and then bringing her through the surgery successfully is pretty much limitless. Looking back, the strange twist of this story may end up being that if it weren't for the growths on her leg, we would probably never have discovered the growth in her abdomen until it was too late… Fate is not without a sense of irony it seems. As for the four of us, we couldn't be happier.

Photography is not a Gift (featuring Breaking a Slump)

Photography is not a gift.

Well, that’s not entirely true. It is a gift in the sense that anyone who happens to stumble across it as a pastime, hobby or dare I say even obsession, is lucky to have done so. The benefits of taking pictures, of seeing the world in a different way, of stopping moments in time – it’s an ability that few generations in history have had access to – and I consider we’re fortunate to be able to be part of that.

So what I mean when I say that photography is not a gift, is that it’s not something we should take for granted. Now, anyone who takes photography seriously probably feels that way already (and at this point may wonder what I’m talking about). After all, we all know the mastering this art takes study, patience and application.

However, sometimes photography is not something that can be forced. Instead, taking great pictures is something that occasionally needs to be nurtured. Almost every serious photographer I know has at some point or another in the past three years fallen into a mental slump of sorts, where they have wondered why they take pictures, whether it’s worth all the effort and what to do next – or in short “where do I go from here”. Despite having so many things to do in the next few months, over the past few weeks I found myself in a similar place mentally – caught in a strange place somewhere between thinking I’ve been either a) taking things too seriously, or b) not taking them seriously enough.

The problem with periods like this is that it’s easy to lose perspective – questioning the very core of why you do something. You can go from one week thinking that photography is something that is “part” of you, to not feeling like picking up a camera at all.

Now, I’m never one to remain in moods like this for long and I tend to find a quick way out (an “allergy to depression”, lets call it).

In reflecting, I realized that part of my problem has been that as I’ve gotten better and more serious at photography, I’m actually photographing less and less. Because I don’t like to keep taking the same kinds of subjects (even if I’m good at them) and also realising that the my best photos are taken with great care, thought and preplanning, I’m naturally limited to the amount of great pictures I’m going to take in any one year. And as I get better with pictures, my standards of what I consider to be “acceptable” increases too – thus naturally filtering out many shots or even stopping me from picking up a camera in the first place. Becoming disenchanted with photo sharing sites only further compounds this (although that particular item is a topic all by itself).

OK so does any of this sound like anything you’ve been through so far? I’m betting that if at some point in the past couple of years you’ve gotten to a level you consider to be intermediate or advanced, this is going to be strangely familiar.

Actually – taking this a step further even, I’ve recently heard people moving towards the direction of taking so few photos that they may even only shoot once or twice per year. The photos produced are great, there’s no question about that – I guess it’s a similar approach to great athletes / sportsmen who only compete in the top events to focus all their energies and efforts. I think some of it is linked to standards too – develop a reputation of taking great pictures and soon enough, you end up protecting that reputation by refusing to take / post / share snapshots or anything that does not meet perfection.

And therein lies the problem. You see – this approach may work well for multi million dollar sports stars – the problem is that it doesn’t make life very fun for us.

As I said, photography needs to be nurtured.

So armed with this new information – I’m now out of that slump. Like many complex problems, the solution was surprisingly simple in the end. The answer to this problem was to simply stop caring and start photographing. I’ve started shooting things I wouldn’t normally shoot. Things I haven’t shot for ages. I’ll go out with a camera and start taking pictures of subjects that enamored me only when I first started photography. I’m even dividing my kit up – serious DSLR / primes for “intentional” photography lets call and a cheaper DSLR / compact for “fun” photography (again for lack of a better word). I may have no intention of using or sharing these fun images – in this mood I’m taking pictures just to remind myself that it’s something I love to do. It’s that part that’s so easy to forget when you hit a certain level I think – that such enjoyment can be had from simply walking around with a camera, discovering a new area, meeting new people or seeing things in a new way. This you can’t completely get from books, from learning, from discussing or sharing – it only comes from shooting. And funnily enough, it often comes from shooting total rubbish.

And who knows, you might even end up with an occasional picture you do actually like.

Unforgettable

Growing up I was not a big lover of art. Paintings, classical music, dance, photography - an appreciation of all these things came to me only very recently, and I'm still only scratching the surface for 3 of the 4. Through a traditional schooling in the UK, you don't always get taught much about these subjects - but what you do get is occasional trips to museums and galleries. Too young / indifferent / ignorant to appreciate anything at the time, my trips to the National Gallery were pretty much a waste, but I do recall certain moments.

One of images I recall as clearly as anything in my life is Van Gogh's chair. It was a strange painting to me at the time - I recall thinking that it didn't look much more difficult than what we were painting in our own classes. My friend Michael probably could have drawn that, I thought. The proportions seemed all wrong and it certainly didn't seem very good. I thought the one of the man holding the woman's head with snakes for hair from the room before was much more realistic.

Now, fast forward a few years later. I hadn't seen that painting in probably 5 years but when I did lay eyes on it again, I immediately recognised it. Despite remembering also nothing from that previous school trip, within seconds I remembered that painting. Now, although I was a bit older I was still not much less indifferent / ignorant to appreciate anything at the time and I still didn't think much of it. But I recalled it vividly. Of the hundreds of paintings I had seen that first day, it was one of only a handful I did remember.

OK, so finally, we fast forward once more to present time and when I was in London last November. Once more I was standing in front of Van Gogh's work of art (now having seen it in books many times since) and it finally started to dawn on me just how powerful I found it... You see, lets say our eyes process at around 30 frames per second (a conservative estimate but bear with me)... If we agree that's the case, it means I saw about 5 billion images between the time when I first saw that painting as a child, and when I saw it again 5 years later. I probably looked at it for 10 seconds, and yet 5 billion images later, I was able to instantly recognise it. Like looking at the sun for too long, it's image was burned directly onto my retina even tho my brain was unable to appreciate why at the time. Since then, through (slowly) educating myself about art, I've begun to understand certain aspects of what makes that painting special to me. But I don't think I'll ever be able to describe it to someone what it means to me as simply as this - that from the moment I laid eyes on it, I found it simply unforgettable.

And this brings me back to the point of this post. Imagine for a moment, you're able to create something with a camera, that is also truly unforgettable to someone. Imagine they glance at your image for a single second and then five years later they're able to instantly recall when they first saw it, who it was by, how they felt at the time. And what if a million people felt the same way about your image. Wouldn't almost every other compliment you could be paid about the photo pale in comparison to knowing that? I look at all my images to date - all the ones that have been described as "excellent", "creative", "brilliant" by others. I appreciate the feedback and kind words immensely but do I believe anyone will be able to remember them if I show them in 5, 25, 50 years time? Clearly, I have my doubts :).

But therein lies the hope - because once you have a target, you now have something to aim for. And having something aim for means you have a chance of hitting it. So as I say, however slim, therein lies the hope.